In the week preceding 28.02.16 I had a pneumonia. It started as a strong flue and developed quickly into pneumonia due to stress. My illness lasted about a month. This also coincided with me discovering Pastor Joseph Prince and the message of Grace which impacted me greatly.
The night before I had the dream, I prayed for grace and the ability to see myself the way God sees me in Christ. I prayed that God stops me from continuing to be self conscious. I prayed that He alters my consciousness so that I’m not focusing on my sin.
In the early hours of the following morning I had two dreams. I dreamt of the first part of the dream, then woke up for about an hour, and fell asleep again to go back to the same dream!
The first part of the dream:
I was out and about, in my dream world small town. This town looked like one of those Mediterranean pearls during spring. Certainly the architecture of buildings and the way roads and stairs where laid. Everything was dressed in a superb white. It was so beautiful.
I was also part of a christian congregation but this congregation was a lot busier than my real one. Also the faces of people were vague (I didn’t recognise any faces).
The beginning was this; It was day time and sunny. I was coming from the back of the town centre (from somewhere leafy and quiet), and I was walking up a path with few wide steps. I suddenly noticed a brown, strong middle age man stalking me. I was a bit scared, and because I was a bit scared, I stumbled and fell and he raped me. Now, the dream was not graphic. The man just came near me, then a blank, then there was afterwards all the emotions that victim of rape may have in the aftermath of the crime.
I then carried on walking a few hundred meters and turned right, then after a short distance, I went inside the church’s building. I let my congregation know about what happened to me. I was seeking their support but instead I stirred their judgement, criticism and loathing. I was shocked, offended and begun preparing statements to write to the church in defence of my character, but I woke up…
When I woke up, I was intrigued by the aspect of rape in particular. Although I could see that it must me a hidden meaning there, since I grew very accustomed to the symbolic nature of some of my dreams. I, then, grabbed my phone and I started googling dreams about rape and it brought out many things about emotional humiliation, etc.
When I had enough searching, and since I was still suffering from Pneumonia, I decided to lay down and relax but I fell a sleep again, and as I did, I found myself in the same dream, which has never happened to me before!!!
The Second Part of the Dream
Now, I wasn’t in the church preparing my statement anymore. I was home the following day; but was able to remember all the rest of the dream as it was yesterday’s reality. Also, surprisingly my home was an extension of the church building and didn’t really look very different from it.
Now, I was in the kitchen. This kitchen was big with an island in the middle. The sunshine was coming over me from a backdoor, washing all the anger and bitterness from the previous experience. The weather felt incredibly beautiful. I wanted to forget about yesterday’s problem. Nothing mattered anymore. I had no more desire to do anything to convince anyone. I just wanted to be happy; to run and play. The more I waited inside, the more my eagerness to go out and play in the open air became overwhelming. Though I wished to go out with my husband who was in that church helping out (although he’s atheist in real life and would never dream of setting foot in any church without me!!!) I looked for the phone to call him so that we can go out together. I opened the draws to look for the phone (!) but I found an ancient remote control that made me hear my husband’s voice conversing with an elder of that church, and strangely communicating to me all my husband’s internal thoughts and feelings. Listening to that conversation made me know everything about what was going on, including my husband’s disappointment with the elder who was giving him a hard time. My husband was being judged and criticised and he was defensively protesting and asking what he has done wrong. Although I was accustomed to my husband’s defensiveness, his gentleness and patience this time made me feel truly sorry for him.
Then I saw a man in his sixties (who was the elder in charge of the practical aspect of things like events in the church). He was tidying up after a party or more correctly, an event of some sort. He then took a middle sized basket, placed it on top of the kitchen island, and begun putting things in it. When He finished, He offered me the basked explaining that there was a lot of good staff left from a previous event that I could have. I looked, and saw the most luxurious types of butter that I have ever seen. And although I do not eat butter frequently in real life, I thought that was a great gift. With the butter, came a big bag of the best red grapes ever. Grapes that were so beautiful. The man said I could have the basket because it’s left over and because its content is good, and I thought why not. I thanked him and took the gift. I, then made out for the garden planning to wait for my husband there until his return. I was so excited, like a very young child, so grateful for life. I just wanted to run and run and run in that never ending garden. As soon as I started running, I realised that I was wearing a skirt and high heals. I thought of going back to get changed into track bottoms and training shoes but my desire to be outside overcame me. I made a mental conclusion that I wasn’t even hindered by the fact that I was wearing high heals or by the fact that I was over weight, because I felt as light as a feather, and as fast as a cheetah.
The garden was huge. I was aware that I lived in a town house but I could not see the street through the back gate when I took off running, that’s how big the garden was! Every where around me looked so lush. But less than half way through I looked to the left and saw long trees. I marvelled at how far back the garden stretched, then I thought to myself: “We could surely, keep a horse in this garden. There’s certainly enough space for a horse to run round daily. Maybe if we didn’t move out (because we were trying to move out in real life), we could eventually buy one.” I thought about my youngest child and how excited she would be. Then I said to myself: “…even if I don’t know how to ride, I could just sit on its back and let it trot around.” As I thought that, I felt myself on the back of a horse, and I could feel the saddle and all.
The sun was flowing from the left while I was eventually going to sit at the table, placed near the right edge of the garden.
When I reached there, I stopped. I felt like coming off something (maybe the horse’s saddle.) My skirt got cramped and clang to my backside. As I tried to tidy it up, grapes started falling off (not sure if I was sitting on the basket!). The grapes multiplied and filled the ground, not into a heap, but in a straight flat sheet so that each grape filled one space on the ground. I was so sorry that I wasted such lovely grapes by being clumsy, and wondered if I should kneel and pick some to eat as they looked delicious. Then I thought I’m not sure I’m supposed to do that specially that the area where the table was placed and where the grapes fell wasn’t grass but tarmac. I thought to myself: “First it’s not hygienic to pick something from the floor, second I still have some grapes left for eating, even though not as many as it was.” Anyhow, I didn’t feel upset because my internal joy was boundless , but I felt slightly sorry that I waisted the best aspect of the gift just by being clumsy. I felt also sorry at the thought of walking on grapes everywhere. I made a mental image with the grapes being squeezed under my feet and oozing off red juice.
Then I woke up.
Straight away I thought the butter was saved, and also a good quantity of grapes was also saved (not all of it fell). But I also thought that my clumsiness which lead to the grapes falling couldn’t be helped because it was part of who I was. Then I saw the gift of grapes as it being the gift of Grace. It was the gift of Jesus pouring his blood on me to cover my sins.
So what is the church, and the condemning elders of the church? Is it my consciousness of sin during this life? Or does it represent the day of judgment in the after life?
This dream reminded me of a prayer I made the previous night, before I went to sleep. I prayed for grace and the ability to see myself the way God sees me in Christ. I prayed that God stops me from continuing to be self conscious. I prayed that He alters my consciousness so that I’m not focusing on my sins, anymore.
This dream was an answer to those prayers: God has shown me in this dream that all what He wants me to do now is to live very happily and to wait for my husband’s return to Him. I felt it echoing in my dream: It is now Done. Just be happy and wait for him.
I spent about two months after this dream, filled with life, and the eagerness to enjoy every second of it. The impact of this dream was so powerful that it resembled some people’s encounters with Jesus during visions.