Saturday 3rd September 2016
I woke up at the edge of a long and bizarre dream.
I was a part of a huge family.
A real life old friend came in the dream to ‘act’ as a family member.
She was resigning from work. As a result, I had to look after her daughter for a while. I envied the fact that she was slimmer than me for a while (only in the dream though).
However, looking after her daughter expanded to when she was at home as well because she said she needed to rest. She would be at home, doing nothing more than sleeping, while we would be looking after that child. I (or my husband) then complained to her husband; who explained that she was very tired (“waisting away” was the phrase I heard him say I think), and he asked about the best time we would be happy to take care of their daughter. I had a chat with the woman who said that resignation procedure takes a lot of time and effort. I told her that when I resigned once, I had to do it properly because you’ll never know about the next job. It may even turns out to be a scam of a job, and you’re end up being unemployed or something. So, I said to her, you need to know how to finish properly from this current job as you may find that you need to go back to it eventually.
A while later, we moved from there to another part of the ‘venue’. I was sitting in a huge room, probably with my children, but I couldn’t see ‘me’ or my kids. All what I could see is the people around me.
Then other family members started coming to practice for their interviews; which are supposed to be similar to TBN interviews. The families, we were told, will sit with their spouses, in the Hall outside that room, in front of their interviewer, giving their testimonies. The interviews were not going to be very formal and humour was expected.
As this was explained, I was visualising the way the interviews were going to go. My mind, then, focused on one of the brothers who was saying very beautiful things about his young wife sitting quietly next to him, and then he cracked a few jokes and they all laughed. I thought to myself, it’s a little bit exaggerated because of the show.
Back inside the large room, a large gathering of people were rehearsing their statements, preparing their jokes, etc. In the dream, I have believed, felt and knew for certain that those men were my own blood-brothers with their wives and children whom I couldn’t see clearly. There were so many brothers of all ages; from the youth, to the slightly older, to the middle age, to the more mature, all of them had families and the atmosphere was very relaxed and very cheerful.
Then a masculine man with a mediterranean or south American look, a bit slimmer than the actor Simon Bolivar and with tamer features, came into the room. He was extremely serious and although he didn’t look particularly old, I knew him to be the oldest brother of the family; older than all the other older brothers I was looking at, and listening to. This brother didn’t come to rehearse or crack jokes. He was dead serious but at the same time, he wasn’t mean or scary. He came with authority that was emanated from his identity of who he was. He came for brief seconds or minutes, just to tell us that we need to harry up but to also prepare well. Then he left. He was so wonderful, I thought to myself, even though he didn’t speak to me directly. He was mainly addressing the brothers. This feeling and acknowledgement of how wonderful his personality was resonated into my whole being to the point where I kept that knowledge for a few weeks after I woke up from the dream. It was something very real to me then. It was a knowledge which I experienced with all my being, not a mere impression.
I then looked at the other brothers who were there in the room before him. They were all slim, but one of them had something noticeable in his teeth when he opened his mouth. It could be a gap in the front teeth, when he smiled. He was more approachable than the big brother but somehow also less disciplined, less charismatic, and more spontaneous.
A fat woman; maybe in her early thirties, fairly young compared to those older brothers (although I couldn’t see her clearly) said something; then everyone started picking on her, and in particular the brother with the gap between his two frontal teeth. They were picking mainly on the fact that she was fat. She had a baby with her and she too was preparing herself for the interview. The brother with the gap between his teeth became hostile towards her and said mean things to her, so when her time came, she left the room, slightly vexed.
She went to another room to prepare herself further. When she came out, she closed the door behind her and tied up her cardigan’s belt while thinking about how those brothers were picking on her size. She felt a little dismayed. She thought how could her own blood brothers who shouldn’t really care about how she looked, liked to use her size to humiliate her.
Suddenly I was able to see for the first time how that woman looked like. She was white, fair, very short and very fat to the point where she looked almost like a balloon. I also found myself aware of her own thought processes, then suddenly I became her! When I knew I was her (although I don’t look like her in real life), I didn’t feel happy about being that fat, and started thinking of ways to loose weight.
While I was on my way to the interview hall/room, I learnt (internally) that I won’t able to exercise to become fit. However, it became known to me that there was a better solution for my weight loss that didn’t involve me doing anything. The idea appealed to me and I wished I could put it into action. As soon as I did, I learnt that my solution was approved by a higher power. This put a halt to the interview. It had to be adjourned.
The solution involved something about myself that I didn’t know before. Apparently I had a man living in me. That man was young, muscle-bound with a golden, tanned skin. I made no interaction with the man. He was in me, and therefore, he was the other face of me, but I never had to talk to him. I only visualised him mentally. The solution was that I (the fat me) could exercise and tone up, through this strong man. I realised that I could send my inner man to train and take up a race, on my behalf. Through him, I was meant to go somewhere where no man could go. Somewhere only trains and machines are allowed. But, for whatever reason I was allowed to enter that place, and take up my race there, partly because I became a man, and partly because of something else. I was wondering that myself, when I went to the shower room in that place. I had to have a shower because I was to live there for a month or so. Fortunately, the shower room was equipped with fluorescent lights. I thought about this bright light which came at odds with the gloomy and rundown look of the place in general. I also marvelled at how I was allowed to run the race with my inner man, sneak to this place where no man was ever allowed in, and take a noisy shower with all the light on without having anyone to come and throw me out! That place was the size of a town. It was all dark (except from the shower room) as if every thing took place in the night. It was grim looking and industrial. It wasn’t my usual sort of place, but the man within was determine to reach success through being there, or running his race there!!! The following day I think, the man headed for the marathon path, and …
my phone bleeped for no reason so my dream was interrupted.
I was in the heavenly or spiritual realm. All my brothers were perhaps Christian leaders. The gender in the dream meant something different to what it usually means in reality. So, my brothers were not in reality all male church leaders, because I, who was a woman and perhaps not very fit to be interviewed on my own, had a man in me. So!
The beautiful charismatic older brother in a dark, beautifully tailored suit was definitely Jesus. I have no doubt about that.
What does my outward look mean? It perhaps means my mental and psychological struggles in this life, most of which I was born with.
My inner man could be the spirit with me.
However, this weight loss solution, this deal about sending my inner man to train in this dreadful grim town so that he runs the race and wins for me, is what I’m still struggling to understand. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Does this point at something I’m doing now, a choice that I might have taken in this life now? Or does it talk about something else that happened far before in the existence? This is what I’d like to know.