My Online Testimonies

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Introduction:

This is a short reply to a ‘cry for help’ in a string of comments triggered by a youtube video.

The page is: youtube.com/watch?v=UUEy8nZvpdM

The cry for help:”I am worn. I am facing psychological issues in confusion that separate me from God. I pray that I can climb my way out of this anxiety”.

My Comments: Only two months ago, I was struggling with a severe anxiety triggered by my OCD condition.
One day, I was completely shuttered following several months I spent being under a vicious spiritual and physical attack.
I felt I needed God’s protection. I’ve been praying for a long time, but that day I came at my wit’s end.

Then, my Spirit started moving within me. First I found myself thinking of Psalm 2 even though I couldn’t remember it word for word.
1Why do the nations rage[a]
and the peoples plot in vain?

2 The kings of the earth set themselves,
and the rulers take counsel together,
against the Lord and against his Anointed, saying,

3“Let us burst their bonds apart
and cast away their cords from us.”

I never understood this plainly, but that night, the Spirit taught me what it meant.

‘The nations’, ‘the peoples’ and ‘the kings of the earth’ are all outside factors regardless on whether they are good or evil. They live outside of me. I can’t help but see them separate from me. Worse still, up to that point, I used to perceive God as an outside factor too. So, when I was interacting with the world, and suffering because of a situation triggered by my interaction, my gut reaction used to be to accuse God for causing the situation to arise, or for failing to protect me. I know it’s wrong, but it wasn’t a conscious thing as such. It was something that was ingrained deep down through false doctrine, so I couldn’t help it.

In this Psalm, the Spirit showed me how David perceived himself as one with God, because he was part of God.
When David alined himself with his heavenly father (his source) and believed himself to be loved, cherished and always in favour with God (no matter what he did), no one from the outside world could burst his unity with God.

The Spirit taught me that night, that God is an internal factor. He and the whole of Heaven lives inside of me, (Luke 17:21). He lives in my Spirit, and therefore, He is me and I am him, when I am in the Spirit. He is my righteousness. He is in every kind thought, word or action each of us makes, spontaneously, out of love. He told me that fearing him to the point of suffering anxiety can never stop as long as I’m perceiving him to be different of me. Moses in Exodus asked God about his name, and God said “say I AM sent me”. This is why God is called the great I AM. He is I am who I am.
The first thing I did after this revelation was to find a new church that believed in grace as the only criteria for salvation. I often watched TBN (channel 65 if you’re in the UK), and began watching Pastor Joseph Prince. But, on youtube there are other grace ministries who are the fruit of the sixties revival movement like Creflo Dollar, Copeland ministries and Beth Moore, to name only few.
The second thing I did was to start editing my belief about the attributes of God in a way that it would not clash with the main attribute of love and mercy. Yes, God is sovereign, but Satan; our enemy is real. Yes, God is powerful, but we are in a war. In Daniel 10:10-14, A messenger of God (an angel) was delayed for reaching Daniel for 21 days by the prince of Persia, one of the demons working for satan.
God is for you, not against you. And there is nothing you could do or say that can change this reality. He is in you as part of your being. And you are him in the Spirit. So, you are entitled to feel one with him. He is part of your experience, to guide your heart into seeking the right knowledge that will educate the mind. Don’t listen for his voice in the mind, for the mind is a common ground. God is nearer to you than your mind. He is your very self in its loving, pure state. So, don’t look any further than your heart beat. Look out for the love in every single impulse in you, and there you’ll find him. I hope this help