Last Update: 13th Oct 2017
Saturday, 22 April 2017
Last night, I was filled by the Holy Spirit.
I have had a rough time the whole day, arguing with my husband. I feared that this will interfere with my medication and my recovery from H Pylori virus. I was offended and vindictive at times, but my will to go back and seek God’s help seemed to be more present than at other times.
At some point, after my husband stormed out of the house and when I surrendered completely to God, I felt his spirit comforting me.
I was made to remember the days when I was much more vulnerable, when I walked out of everything, carrying a new life in my belly, without fear or apprehension, because I was filled by God’s assurance that it was all going to be fine.
I longed for those days where anxiety wasn’t one of my struggles. I was fearless in spite of my vulnerabilities and God’s hand was on me at all times. Now, I created idols in my life and clung to them for so long until my soul was transformed and I became but a shadow of the person I once was.
When I rested for the first time last night in the assurance that God was going to take care of me, regardless on whether or not my husband returned, I told God that I was going to put my marriage and everything else in his hands. I was prepared to go through everything He was going to put me through; divorce, poverty or even death itself.
An hour or more later, my husband returned and apologised and so did I.
He was surprised by the peace he sensed in me.
He went to sleep and I sat down to read the electronic version of the Bible. The spirit led me to listen to a particular song (Though Art), then another and another until I was completely filled with the Holy Spirit and felt I was going to shatter.
I then went to sleep and had this dream.
This was another carnival type of dream where it seemed like I had lived it for months on end. A lot was happening and I saw so many people and faces.
The first thing I remember was this: I wasn’t well for some reason, so I decided to lay down in the middle of a busy road in the town centre to get some rest! I was covered by a blanket and a structure of some sort. I somehow blended into the surroundings and nobody could see me, though, to my amazement I was able to see everyone and everything around me. I thought about it in the dream and marvelled at the fact that I didn’t feel exposed at all!
Then looking again, a glamorous woman in her thirties, who was passing by, caught my eye. Suddenly, the woman saw something terrifying, began screaming and ran to the other direction. She tried to run fast, but the more she tried, the slower she ran. Other people began screaming too. No sooner than this took place, I became aware of a parade of Muslim terrorists marching in the streets, invading the town.
Nevertheless, I wasn’t scared, for I knew very well they couldn’t see me. I laid low, exactly in my previous position, feeling fortunate and watching them as they were passing by.
The next thing I remember was that I moved on to help in my children’s secondary school. I was doing a great deal and enjoying myself, interacting with students and staff alike. It felt as if I was living there.
I remember being in a cafeteria or a kitchen, helping out, surrounded by the school staff. I was talking to the deputy head, then to others, when the headmaster of the school (who is not a head master anymore in real life because of ill health), was walking in the grounds out side the cafeteria. As soon as he knew I was there, he pointed towards me from a very far distance saying that I shouldn’t be helping there in anyway shape or form, because of “Conflict of Interest”. However, because I had already helped, he decided that I should be punished. The punishment was soon presented to me. I remember seeing it written and stamped.
So, he spoke from very far, yet I could hear him clearly although I was inside the cafeteria! I talked to the deputy head again who confirmed that because my children attended the same school, I was not allowed to help. I thought to myself, “well, you should have told me that before!” For some reason I was not very concerned about the punishment but rather more disappointed by the fact that I was banished from there.
The dream was mostly taking place in the dark now.
After being kicked out of the school, I walked outside and passed by an independent café where I saw my oldest daughter with a man I knew he was her fiancé (!) although I’d never met him before. Then, to my shock, my daughter told him she didn’t want to introduce him to me. She said: “Let’s pretend we didn’t see her. ”
In spite of the huge distance between us, I was able to hear her! I was deeply hurt. I felt sorry for myself especially after what I have been trying to do for her and her sister in their school and what I had been through because of it. I then walked straight to her, whispered her sentences in her ear indignantly, and went away.
A Farewell party was organised on my honour in my children’s school. I felt people were genuinely sorry to see me go, especially a small, Asian looking boy around four years old, with beautiful silky black hair, big eyes and red cheeks.
He was crying a lot, kissing me and saying that he didn’t want me to go. I hugged and consoled him as much as I could.
The headmaster, or someone else with authority (I’m not sure who), had given me a task, which I think was meant to be the execution of the punishment.
This task was to go to battle. Two men were sent with me. One of the two was very big though I couldn’t see him at all. He was just a dark, mysterious shadow of himself. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t see his body through the dark aura that surrounded him. Yet, he was meant to be the good guy; my helper and the one I was meant to follow. The other was skinny and short with Far Eastern features. He was supposed to be the bad guy that I should be fighting against. I was told that I should do my best, but at the end of the day, whoever wins me, wins me. Just like that!
We went inside a small building; a tiny house. The fight started. For some reason I decided not to take part. I wanted to watch the bad guy and study his moves and tactics in fighting. I reassured myself that this would only be at the beginning, until I learnt how to fight him. But halfway through the fight, I thought to myself ‘this shouldn’t be taking place.’ I couldn’t warm up to the mysterious guy and I certainly didn’t want to end up being with the bad guy. I thought about the phrase “who wins me, wins me” from a new (probably worldly) point view and I questioned it. Earlier I couldn’t question anything. I could only obey in total surrender. But at this stage, I became able to question things and challenge orders. I didn’t want to belong to either man. I began to consider the possibility of leaving them both and running away.
Interpretation of the Fourth Part:
Straight away after the dream, an interpretation was given to me, but only about a couple of features in the dream.
The headmaster: After I woke up, I was given the understanding that he was God. Though later on I began to question this truth. How could God not want me to help out and do my bit in His kingdom? Besides, my view of God changes from a dream to another. In a previous dream, God was my daddy, and I felt real intimacy and love for him. In this dream, the headmaster was a strict man who didn’t really like me, and this was reciprocated.
The camouflaged, mysterious and big man who was hidden inside a dark aura; this aura was something like dark gas or vapour. Although I knew he was sent (by God) to help me, I still felt somehow scared of him because of the darkness that surrounded him. I’m not sure if this darkness had anything to do with his nature or with the mystery that engulfed him. Could this personage be the Spirit within me? After all, in another dream, a black, very strong man was given to me to fight my battle in that strange dark building!
The small, Far Eastern looking man: I knew in my heart that this man was evil. I was given that in the dream. But what was his significance? This personage could be either the enemy or my mental condition, or both.
Getting tired and resting by laying down in a public place (the town centre) though not being seen by anyone: I wasn’t given the interpretation for this. My worldly understanding is that this could be either the death and burial of the physical body, or the fact that I was homebound due to my mental disorder.
The invasion of Muslim terrorists: This invasion could be physical or spiritual. What is interesting was that I remained at bay. What does this mean?
My children’s secondary school which seemed to cater for children of different ages and backgrounds: I couldn’t figure this out. Could it mean the church, the Kingdom of God or salvation itself? But if it meant any of this, why was I not supposed to help due to my children being there? And what does the ‘Conflict of Interest’ mean? This is the biggest puzzle in the dream.
The lack of ability to argue against the punishment or to refuse to take part in the battle: This reminds me of another dream when I saw myself in Heaven, arguing with God about leaving him and going back to Earth. Eventually, I saw myself stripped of all power, falling down headfirst, not even being able to use my tiny transparent wings!
The battle with the two men: My initial understanding was that this was a war between good and evil. Now, though, I think it’s to do with my mental health condition. God has sent me to battle my illness with a new spirit who wasn’t mine yet. In the dream, I knew I should be on his side, but I couldn’t warm up to him due to his mysterious appearance. Is this talking about my occasional lack of faith in God’s goodness, translated in my excessive fear from him?
Holding back and Studying the enemy’s tactics: What does my refusal to help the spirit and to take part in the battle mean? Is God telling me that I could have done greater things if I trusted him more?