Saturday, 22 April 2017
Last night, I was filled by the Holy Spirit.
I have had a rough time the whole of the Friday with my husband. I feared that this will interfere with my medication and my recovery from H Pylori virus. I was offended and vindictive at times, but my will to go back and seek God’s help seemed to be more present than in other times.
At some point, after my husband stormed out of the house and when I gave up fighting and fearing, and when I surrendered completely to God, I felt his spirit comforting me when I called on the name which is above all name: Jesus Christ.
I was made to remember the days when I was much more vulnerable, when I walked out of everything and everyone, carrying new life in my belly, without fear or apprehension, because I was filled by God’s assurance that it was all going to be fine.
I longed for those days where anxiety wasn’t one of my struggles. I was fearless in spite of my vulnerability and God’s hand was on me at all times. Now, I created idols in my life and clang to them for so long until my soul was transformed and I became but a shadow of the person I once was.
When I rested for the first time last night in the assurance that God is going to take care of me, regardless on whether or not my husband returns, I told God that I’m putting my marriage and everything else in his hand. I was prepared to go through everything God was going to put me through, divorce, poverty or anything else, even my own death.
An hour or more later, my husband returned and apologised and so did I.
He was surprised by the peace he saw on me.
He went to sleep and I sat down in front of the Mac to read the bible. Then the spirit led me to listen to a particular song (Though Art), then another, than another, and I was completely filled with the Holy Spirit until I felt I was going to shatter.
I then went to sleep and had this dream.
This is another carnival type of dream where it seems like I have lived it during weeks and months on end. A lot was happening and I saw so many people and faces.
I don’t remember the beginning. But maybe the first point I remember from was being not well and decided to lay down in the middle of a busy road to get some rest. I was covered by a blanket and by a structure for some sort and somehow I blended in the surrounding and no body could see me. However, to my amazement I was able to see everything around me and I was aware of everything taking place on the street. I thought about it in the dream and marvelled at the fact that I didn’t feel exposed even a bit, and that although I could see everything and everyone, yet not one could see me!
Then I looked again. A well dressed, glamorous woman probably in her thirties was passing by. She caught my attention. Suddenly, she begun screaming and changed her direction running towards an opposite side road. She tried to run fast, but she was in effect running extremely slowly. Other people begun screaming and racing madly too. No sooner than this took place, that I became aware of a parade of an army of terrorists marching in the streets, invading the place.
Nevertheless, I wasn’t scared for I knew very well they couldn’t see me. I laid low, exactly in my previous position, feeling fortunate and watching them as they were passing by.
The next thing I remember was that I moved on to help in my children secondary school. I was doing a great deal and enjoying myself, interacting with students and staff alike. It felt as if I was living with them.
At some point, I do remember being in a cafeteria or a kitchen, helping out, surrounded by the school’s staff. I was talking to the deputy head, then to other people, when the head master of the school (who is not acting as a head master anymore in real life because of ill health), was walking in the ground out side the cafeteria. As soon as he knew I was there, he pointed towards me from a very far distance saying that I shouldn’t be helping there in anyway shape or form because of conflict of interest, he said. And because I did help, I will be punished. The punishment was soon presented to me. I remember seeing it written and stamped.
So, he spoke from very far, yet I could hear him clearly although I was inside the cafeteria. I talked to the deputy head again who confirmed that because my children attended the same school, I was not allowed to help. I thought to myself, well, you should have told me that before! For some reason I was not very concerned about the punishment but I was disappointed by the fact that I was banished from there.
The time was mostly taking place in the dark now.
After being kicked out of school, I walked outside and passed by an independent café where I saw my oldest daughter with a man; I knew it was her fiancé although I’ve never met him before. Then to my shock, my daughter told her companion that she doesn’t want him to meet me. She said to him: “Let’s pretend we didn’t see her. ”
In spite of the huge distance between us, I was able to hear her saying that! I was deeply hurt. I felt sorry for myself especially after what I have been trying to do for her and her sister, in their school and what I had been through because of it. I then walked straight to her, and whispered her sentences back at her again, and proceeded to go in my own way.
There was a good buy do in my children’s school in my honour. I felt people were sorry to see me go, but especially a small boy around four, Asian looking, with beautiful silky black hair, big eyes and red cheeks.
He was crying very hard, kissing me and saying that he didn’t want me to go. I hagged him and consoled him as much as I could.
The headmaster, or someone else with authority I’m not sure who, has given me the task, which I think it was meant to be the execution of the punishment.
This task was to go with two men, one very big and darkish, but I couldn’t see him at all. Just a shadow of him. The other skinny, short and yellowish. Slightly far eastern looking. I think I was made to understand that I’m to fight with the big guy but that whoever wins me, wins me! Just like that.
We went inside a small building; a small house. The fight started. For some reason I decided not to take part. I wanted to watch the far eastern looking guy and study his moves and tactics in fighting. Half way through the fight I thought this shouldn’t be taking place. What does it mean who wins me, wins me? I didn’t want to be theirs, either one of them. I just wanted to leave them both and run away.
Getting tired and resting may mean death of the physical body, and the burial. But this also could describe the fact that I am home bound.
The invasion of Muslim terrorists could be physical or spiritual.
All what I did after could have been done on a spiritual level. All the help I was giving the school was as a spirit.
I was banished by God and was to take part in a war between good and evil.
God was strict and didn’t really like me very much.
I didn’t have the ability to argue against his judgement or refuse to take part in whatever was destined.
I knew in my heart that the Far Eastern looking man was evil. I didn’t like him. But on the other hand, the camouflaged, mysterious big man was hidden behind a dark ora or gas. For this, I felt somehow scared of him. I knew I should be fighting with him but I couldn’t warm up to him. Is this talking about the Spirit of God in me? I convinced myself to watch and study Satan’s tactics. This could be true when I decided to taken on meditation. This very soon affected my state of awareness and conceived a weak, sensitive conscience. This part of the dream perhaps describes my struggle between the devil’s oppression and an overly sensitive conscience.