Sunday 12th Nov 2017
Enormous spiritual attacks. OCD severed. Visual communication with Jesus in the garden. I try to start a soul searching journey into many blocks in my understanding about sexuality
Last night, I had two dreams. The following is my second dream.
I’m now in my home country, in my native village, near my parents’ home. I don’t dare to step in because many people inside were rallying against me. They were rallying threateningly. I had to find shelter in a neighbouring home (not sure which though).
I kept trying to revisit my parents’ home but each time I tried, I could see and hear an outcry against me. I don’t understand why because I wasn’t aware I’ve done anything wrong.
I could see the faces of men rallying against me. I didn’t know who they were, exactly, but I knew they were my relatives.
Eventually, a tall handsome guy (the tallest in the crowd) with medium shade skin and relaxed features decided to give me a hearing. He went out and sat down with me. He presented the accusations against me. He said I caused a leak in the house. He said that my relatives were furious because of the leak and the hardship I put them through.
I begun explaining that I wasn’t there at all, during the time they claimed I caused a leak. I explained that all that time I was abroad, and that it wasn’t possible for me to go back home to physically repair the leak. He believed me and understood my statement.
Suddenly, there was no one rallying against me anymore. I went into the house. It was empty. I saw my mother’s section of the house and my own. I didn’t get inside the buildings but I could see from the garden that it was all very neatly built. It was very tidy. The angles, the edges, everything. I knew that there was no one in the house. That everyone has moved on. I then went and looked into the next door neighbour’s house. My old neighbour wasn’t there either. I was told she had also moved on. I felt slight sorrow. Everything had moved on.
The first bit of the dream portrays what I’m going through at the moment. There’s stability but no joy and a deep fear in the background, due to my OCD.
What I didn’t know is that my OCD has something to do with background and my relationships with my relatives.
The rallying against me portrays the hostility that my relatives showed me during the last few years.
Their accusation against me was based on a leak…
There were two possible leaks this dream maybe talking about:
The first leak: this was a real, physical leak that happened in my unfinished built, back home. In my absence and during the first few years of my life abroad, my half built flat flooded and begun endangering the roof of my mother’s home underneath. Due to some financial issues, I was not able to carry on the repair. I believed they understood my reasons. Eventually, this was sorted when they decided to finish the built by themselves and to repossess my home. I was fine with that alternative. Years later, I met my mother and we fully reconciled. I was also in touch with some of my relatives and I believed they got over what happened.
Eventually, I completely forgot about those events. This dream reminded me of what happened.
The Second Leak: this was a metaphorical leak. It was a leak of information that I have caused. Following my acute depression a few years ago, I confided to a close relative about my sexual abuse and the identity of my abuser. Unfortunately, that close relative didn’t respect confidentiality of my confession and went to spread the bad news everywhere. This caused a big uproar and the offender denied what happened and I was called sometimes a liar and other times a mad psychopath. Years later, I completely forgave my abuser and got in touch with him and told him that, though he refused to make amends and carried on accusing me of madness. In another confession to a dear family member, I described the events of my ordeal to the last details invoking some family history that other adults who are much older than I, may still remember. This to show that I was perfectly conscious at the time, in spite of my young age, and that I haven’t forgotten anything of my childhood, no matter how trivial some events were. This happened months before the dream took place. This means that by the time I had the dream, I wasn’t thinking about my second confession anymore.
The dream informed me that either the first reconciliation about the physical leak of my former half built flat, or the affair of my most recent metaphorical leak of the sexual abuse, wasn’t resolved yet. The dream informed me that my relatives may still be holding a grudge over the first leak as if I was the one who caused it from the first place! They maybe using what happened years ago to justify their hate which has always been there for completely different reasons, as among those who hate me, there exist someone who abused me since birth.
Alternatively, the dream might have been talking about the metaphorical leak of information about my sexual abuse. This maybe more accurate as my last update might have triggered another uproar either in the whole family, or within my dear relative’s spirit. The dream might be informing me that my relative has contacted me in the spirit and that he became satisfied that I was telling the truth.
Something, hopefully, has been settled once and for all, either at a family level or in my dear relative’s spirit.
The tall young man who spoke to me has a good spirit in spite of the fact that he was against me to begin with. Whether he is a heavenly spirit like an angel or the spirit of a relative, I don’t know. The most important is that as soon as he was convinced with my point of view, the rallying stopped!
Does this mean that my relatives will stop hating on me and will now leave me alone?
The house became tidy and clean. This image reminded me of the demon possessed man in the Bible whose daemon was removed (Matthew 12:44). The Bible says: the demon will come back and finds the house empty, clean and tidy: “Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order.”
This means that after the demon left the first time, the house became empty, clean and tidy.
What does this image in my dream was telling me?
The house (the spirit of the demonised man) in the Bible was my parent’s house in my dream. So, does this mean that my parents’ house symbolises the Spirit that dwelt within my relatives or does it symbolise my own spirit?
When the truth was known and believed, the house became empty, tidy and clean in my parents’ house. Was this talking about the bondage breaking down within my own soul, or does it mean that whatever was against me, coming from the side of my relatives has now stopped?